little robbery

• Brennan turned 7 on December 11th. Happy Birthday my little man. This blog's for you.

Last week I was in NY. After spending several days in the city, I was happy to get home to real life. When I am gone for 3+ days, I typically bring the kids some kind of memento from the place I've visited. I could think of no better gift from NYC than kiddie moleskines I picked up from a little bookstore in Chelsea Market. I got home late Friday, and the kids were still up, so I gave them their new notebooks prior to shooing them off to bed. The next morning when Brennan woke up, he excitedly came to jump on me (which is both sweet and annoying...more sweet in retrospect, but in the jet-lagged and overall exhausted lull of the moment, more annoying). To buy myself some more time in bed, I prompted him to go find his moleskine and draw me a picture. He ignored my petition, but after repeating it several times, and changing my tone from "prompt" to "command" he went downstairs to begin his work. I slept for another 15 minutes. I was awakened by Brennan standing next to my bed, giggling. He opened the little book and showed me the drawing posted above. To the untrained eye, this may look like a typical 7 yr. old sketch, but journey with me for a moment into the mind of my son. The figure on the far left is me, sleeping happily, mole on my cheek and mild "Zs" being muttered. The middle character is Brennan, hands on face yelling "Ahhhh!" He is yelling "Ahhhh!" because the third character is, as Brennan described him, "the midget robber who has come to take all of our little stuff!" This "midget robber" is also yelling "Ahhhh!" probably more to sound menacing than to express fear. As Brennan explained the picture to me, I began to laugh uncontrollably. Brennan, satisfied by his ability to a) make me laugh uncontrollably b) definitively wake me up, and c) include a midget in his illustration, began laughing uncontrollably as well. I questioned whether he thought this comedic drawing would have gotten me out of bed quicker than if a real midget robber had entered the house and demanded all of our "little stuff" (shame on me for not asking Brennan what exactly qualified as the "little stuff" that would constitute the midget's booty). His response: "I think I answer that question in the picture, obviously." He's probably right. He followed that up with, "you're only a little bigger than a midget." This was totally besides the point, and I'd like to think untrue, but Brennan was on a roll, and there are few things more hilarious than little people to the XY chromosomes. This is substantiated by: Mickey from Seinfeld, the number of YouTube hits for videos containing the words "Thai, Dwarf, Kickboxing, Fight," Verne Troyer, Weeman, Little People Big World, etc. etc. In fact, a friend of mine and I were ironically talking about this very subject while I was in NY.

So, Brennan, congratulations for being both very funny and completely normal. I'm not sure that's at all a good thing (at least when it comes to normal = fascination with dwarfism), but when you're a teenager and completely frustrated out of your mind with me and saying things much more hurtful than "just a bit bigger than a midget," I know EXACTLY what will buy me some time with you: "Beware the midget robber, my friend. He will take all your little stuff...including your car keys."