say YES! to halitonic

This past Saturday morning as I was brushing Zoe's hair, her facial expressions suggested that she was experiencing some discomfort. This discomfort slowly turned into disgust, and then downright despair. She finally put her hands over her mouth and nose and exclaimed (hesitantly, but confidently), "I can't take it any more! Your breath smells terrible!" I laughed, acknowledging that I was quite sure she was 100% correct, then told her (face pointing away from her, mouth barely open) that it was a bit rude to tell someone they have terrible breath. She quickly responded, "I can't lie, can I?" Dagger. As I have discussed previously, we have worked with Zoe quite a bit to overcome her predisposition to lying. She has done really well...so well in fact, that she now has a keen sense of honesty and dishonesty, and will call us on it regularly ("Daddy, that joke was kind of a lie."). But, does this quest for honesty quell the necessity to "bear it courteously" all the time? Experience tells me...yes.

Many people are liars, and Lori and I are no exception. Zoe gets it honestly, because we both occasionally (all the time?) lie to spare others' feelings, or get out of things gracefully. We end up breathing peoples' breath as the situation becomes more uncomfortable for everyone involved--particularly when that same person walks away with the same hot stinking breath, ready to invade the nasal cavity of his next victim (thereby passing the discomfort along for them to "deal with it" or causing them to lie if they are indeed prone to the same pansiness). A simple, honest response is neglected in favor of overly-complicated commentary which is both rambling and ridiculous (and needless to say, disingenuous). Additionally, these fibs can also backfire with the people who are closest to us. Knowing that we have this tendency, they either catch us in our lies, or mistakenly presume we are lying when really, this time, we are telling the truth. Truthfully. Telling someone their breath smells with a wink and a smile is way less tedious and damaging in the long run, since the hurt feelings (if there are any) are on the front end, and quickly resolve as opposed to the delayed and prolonged resentment which are the always-in-season fruit of dishonesty for both the liar and the lied to.

Human behavior is way more complex than halitosis, but surely honesty--when kindly and sincerely framed--is more than a cover-up mint, it is preventative medicine. Although, (and I don't say this to validate my own behavior) we all know people who say everything they think (who by some definitions are very honest), and are completely unpleasant to be around (maybe because they lack the "kind and sincere" framing I mention above?). So, I'm not quite ready to embrace radical honesty, but I would consider it a huge victory if we can somehow teach this precarious and delicate dance of polite probity to our children. An ideal worth striving for.

As a result of Zoe's honesty, I've begun brushing my teeth with regularity and am extraordinarily careful when breathing around her. And Lori started kissing me again. Now if that doesn't get me to believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent and in doing good to all men, I don't know what will.

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*for a hysterical (and mildly profane) article on one man's experiment living by the code of radical honesty, check this out. By the very funny author of "The Know it All" and "A Year of Living Biblically."