heavy petting.

The kids have recently begun lobbying for a pet. This is a reoccurring theme in our house. The cycle looks like this: Kids ask for a pet. We say no. Kids persist. We buy a hermit crab. The kids are excited for 4 days. Hermit crab (named Colin) dies. We bury him in the backyard. Time passes. Kids ask for a pet. We say no. Kids persist. We buy a cactus at IKEA. The kids are excited for 6 days (they name him Steve). Cactus begins leaning. Then dies. I throw Steve in a smoothie.

This time, since they have so successfully managed pets in the past, they are hot for a dog. Frankly, I think they are psychopaths; they are slyly moving up to creatures of more and more significance to kill. Lori and I are firm on this one. There will be no dog in this house now. And perhaps ever. But we leave the door open and this pacifies the kids (we think). However, perhaps to show their indignation at our decision they are now creating pets. Last week it was an egg. A real, non-hard-boiled egg. "Eggie" was carried around the house and cared for. He did not die. But I'm pretty sure that had less to do with their love of the egg, and more out of fear of their mother if they cracked an egg in the house. Lori is kind and loving until you do something foolish like dropping your pet egg on her area rug. Eggie is now gone. "Has anyone seen Eggie." "Nope, but this omelet is amazing."

A fish occasionally comes into play, but Lori and I quickly dismiss it. I haven't heard anything about a fish recently...until this morning. I walk into the kitchen and see a Ziploc bag on the counter filled with water. Upon closer inspection, I see that there is a single, lonely, floating rose petal in the water. Like the tragic closing scene to an over-zealous indie film, the rose petal taunts me; Nick Drake plays in the background. Perhaps the kids know what a sucker I am for cleverness. I can be fairly stubborn until someone breaks me down with witty humor and/or unquestionable intelligence (being undeniably cute usually gets me too). And in this case, the floating rose petal in the Ziploc filled with water made me want to go out and buy them a pet tiger. And an orangutan.